Perfectly Flawed ~ MindChatter
OUR Minds
"PERFECTLY FLAWED"
& Chaotic Chatter
OUR Minds
"PERFECTLY FLAWED"
& Chaotic Chatter
We finally made it out of this MOTHER FUUUUCKING 2020, How intense and over whelming? ~ all I can say is "WHAT THE FUCK?" I mean I know we all have had some really bad shit happen to us all. But seriously WTF?! I have experienced the loss of absolutely everything I have ever known. Which looking back now, some of it was for the good. I had to reevaluate my whole existence and do some serious self reflecting (and that was not fun or any nicer than 2020 was). The amount of pain and tragedy I had to experience last year was almost unbearable. No worries though (like a lot of us) copious amounts of alcohol and lots of bad choices kept me well grounded. Who would have thought we would have ever had a year to go down like that? Riots, Black lives matter movement, the Presidential election, Georgia and their fuck ups (I can say that as I live here), a pandemic, toilet paper crisis, unemployment fraud, severe storms, we ran out of names for the hurricanes for fuck sakes. We all know the list goes on and on. For some of you life really beat you down - but the good news is WE FUCKING SURVIVED.
Now 2021 has started off a little bumpy - more like hold my beer and watch this - but we got a new President (sighs), the unemployment issue is well still the same, we are looking at another stimulus (round 3) and there's plenty of toilet paper again. ***Whoever hoarded toilet paper and bought it in bulk due to a pandemic this is for you: WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK?*** Where was I? Oh yeah, now I am gonna venture off into a sensitive topic that a lot of you will end up getting butt hurt about - so either put on your big girl panties and grab some of your toilet paper or get the fuck off of my page. *******Disclaimer******** (For any of you that have something to say or have your head stuck so far up your ass that YOU HAVE NO IDEA what's really going on) - This post is going to hurt some feelings and may even trigger a few of you. I am not responsible for your perception or understanding of my own thoughts and feelings. That's a YOU thing and YOU may need to look into that. Also this is my site, my page, my thoughts, my life and my rules. Now, if you find something offensive you can do 1 of 2 things. You ready for it? Sit down KAREN..... ~~ Simply stop reading or just leave my page. SUPER EASY, right? Or ~~you can engage in negative and unhealthy ways to force your opinions onto the rest of us. Which no one really cares about your opinions. People like you who need to yell your opinions at others or even result to anger - makes your opinion the least relevant of them all. THE SYSTEM Ya'll, the system has failed us. Look around and you can see it for yourself. It is more than the bogus, over arrogant, narcissistic, bull headed men we vote to be our leader. It is the people who keep thinking that their argument over who would make a better President or Representative is making. IT IS NOT MAKING ANY DIFFERENCE. Shit, our votes barely make a difference. Let's get back to basics - Our founding Fathers stood for WE THE PEOPLE. There was only 1 branch. There was not a democratic or republican branch. Lincoln or Washington would start their own riot if they were alive right now. Our system is a disgrace. While you and I were struggling to pay rent or power last year - they were up there in their fancy over priced suits debating over if we the people should even get a stimulus check, $600. While the unemployment workers were sitting at home over worked with copious amounts of claims - they could have hired some of those unemployed people to help with claims. 2 birds - 1 stone. I am about being pro active - finding a solution to prevent a bigger problem. Our leaders are not. They say what they want to get voted in - do whatever they want and we the people suffer from their fuck ups. They spend obnoxious amounts of money on marketing themselves, while tearing down the opponent. And we encourage it. The system needs to collapse - BURN - in order for a NEW one to emerge. Now for those of you getting all in your feels or already in disagreement with me, WHY, exactly? What makes me wrong and you right? You all complain and bitch about the issues or who got voted in but are so quick to defend the very thing keeping you from your dreams. The cost of living is ridiculous. They wanted to raise minimum wage (which we all know would have been a nightmare). Instead why not lowering the cost of living or the prices of food, water, utility bills, gas? The people in charge, unfortunately, only have the best interest of their pockets. WE THE PEOPLE live like animals and are left to forge amongst ourselves. I personally lost my home, my vehicle, job and more last year. I wrote congress, my Governor, other elected officials for help before it happened. You know what I got in return - NOTHING. No resources in this area for assistance. Unemployment took months and in the meantime I realized how it felt to be on the other side. That statement alone scared the shit out of me. THE OTHER SIDE? The other side of what exactly? Everything is divided. Labeled. Everyone needs to put everything and everyone in a fucking category or a box. WHY??? Because they tell us too.
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Good Morning! As I sit here in my bed wondering what the fuck is really going on in 2020 -I hear nothing but silence. As my house is now empty. All of my kids have moved out. My ex and I broke up 2 weeks ago, 2 days before my birthday. I lost my job the beginning of July and I have no vehicle at this point. I realize that this is some FUCK SHIT, for real. When did it get so bad that everything I loved and gave me the want to get up and do better - is over. It is all gone. I have been in a dark place before - but this time.....THIS TIME it hurts like hell. I have never felt so alone in my entire life. I have never felt so isolated and knocked down like this before. Where does one even start to begin to put the pieces back together? I am literally dying on the inside. I comb through my mind, my memories, my thoughts and our pictures looking for the WHY. I want to text my ex and talk to my ex. They are so angry and mean right now. I do not get it or understand this level of meanness. The misunderstanding - the constant arguing regarding the meaning behind my own fucking words. Perception is everything and the perception or lack there of for my ex is almost delusional. I have never had to argue what I meant by what I said to someone before in my life. If I say something and you assume it means 1 thing and I say "No, that's not what I meant by that" and try to explain in depth the actual meaning to you - then shut the fuck up. You were wrong and I am right. THEY ARE MY WORDS. How you going to get mad at me because you misunderstood and I genuinely do not want you to believe your definition. Maybe because they need a valid excuse to talk shit about me or hate me? Why are break ups so damn; hard? I have missed out on a hell of a lot of experiences by staying in relationships for to long. This one was no different. 5 years of memories. 5 years of vacations, laughs, holidays and memories. I cannot fathom the idea of never hearing, touching, feeling or sharing with anyone else. Yet, every time I reach out - I get cussed out, told they are not responsible for me. They literally think that they were the one carrying the full load of the relationship. I am by no means perfect - but when things are seemingly OK and then 4 days later (upon returning from a trip) to pack up all of their belongings and move out. It was less than an hour and my whole world had become nothing but a shell. My youngest son (he just turned 18) said he was tired of the arguing. I had become so depressed and consumed with fixing my relationship, that I failed him as a parent. He called his father (who lives in Atlanta) to come get him and was packed and gone an hour after my ex. Talk about crushing pain that no amount of screaming or crying numbs....2 weeks has gone by and I am not as lonely as I was - but I am still very raw. I sleep my days away and stay up at nights. I cannot really eat and I have no desire to get up and be motivated.What is the point? I am scared of myself. I am getting on my own damn; nerves and when a friend does come over all I do is talk about my ex and shift in to victim mentality.
While we are all in the midst of the first pandemic, epidemic or fucking raging angry fueled grim reaper, himself, out to gain every soul there is.....I have been the personal victim of some angry lunatics. I get that most of you ran out and bought up all the damn toilet paper and lunch meat. Some of you were lucky enough to receive food stamps, unemployment, stimulus checks and other government funded safety nets for not being ESSENTIAL ~ possibly still are (no judgement here) good for you. But let me be the first to enlighten you on real world shit! As a single mom, 1 income, caregiver to my mother with numerous medical issues, barely making minimum wage, working 50 plus hours a week, no means of transportation (pre covid-19 relationship did not survive the added stress) therefore I lost the shared vehicle, my own health issues, addictions, anger, past trauma bullshit, survived a very abusive relationship (3 times), severe migraines, youngest son still at home and in 11th grade with his own medical issues and shit, not receiving any type of government assistance (apparently I make to much money), only got my portion of the stimulus because my youngest turned 18 in March and barely fucking making it --------- WTF is wrong with America? Y'all are so agitated, angry, pissed off and selfish - that I truly believe HELL ON EARTH is upon us. I have seen some fucked up shit in my life - BUT I am here to tell you I am ashamed and embarrassed by some of y'alls reactions! I wanted to list my shit (above) as a means to compare my life to those of you out there doing some shady ass shit. We all have issues, sad stories, started from the bottom, picked on, grew up poor, disliked, beat up, called names etc....Acting a damn fool and acting out is not helping the cause. No I am not talking about the George Floyd incident (We will definitely get into that in another blog) I am talking about you idiots out there hogging all the supplies, us poor people (MIDDLE CLASS) cannot afford name brand shit. WHen you hog all the essential supplies - all you are doing is causing those of us paying cash to have to pay double for less. I am pissed about that. I am so angry that I have literally spent close to $9000 on groceries, hygiene products, toilet paper etc since March. I don't make that kind of money. My bills are on the verge of being cut off because I myself bought in excess each week not knowing wtf was going to happen. We are back to our normal spending habits at this point. Now I am just trying to catch up my bills. 3 months of bills. There is no help, no justice, no empathy or concern from any of my providers because I am middle class and everyone keeps telling me I do not know how to budget my money. RANT OVER! Whoa....Definitely not my intentions to have rambled on and on about my personal life. I am angry. I am angry that we are not pulling together as people. I am angry that my relationship is over. I am angry that the life before COVID is only a memory. I am scared of what is to come. Where will covid 19 leave all of us when this over? Y'all need to sit your asses down, stop doing these non essential things and focus on what is around you. Because it will not last. Priorities are all kinds of backasswards right now. From the Presidents view all the way down to where I am seeing this from. Perspective is unique to each of us - As it should be. YOU are not wrong and neither am I. We the people need to start joining forces and moving as 1 entity. If not I am honestly terrified of where we are headed. This system needs to collapse. We need to quit giving fuel to the fire. Pull up a chair, pop open a cold one and chill the fuck out. Now, before my personal words, thoughts or opinions get blown out of portion for those of you who are offended by absolutely everything - get the fuck out of here. It is people like you who go looking for shit to get pissed off about! You are the problem. Not me. Get therapy, heal your inner child, write in a journal. The world is not your problem. Humanity is not the problem. It is poor programming and lack of the full picture that fuels the instigator, the drama queen, the low self esteem and the anger. We are not all alike. I grew up in a horrible home with violence and drugs. I was pregnant by 15 and married by 16. Divorced 7 years later and left as a single mother of 3. It sucked. I saw shit no child should have to. I then went through my own nightmare but I survived and I am still here telling the story. Fuck your childhood. So what you did not have a picture perfect past. Who really does. All of it is PROGRAMMING> We were raised to believe what we were told. Who to vote for. What friends we could or could not have. The foods that were put in front of us that was what we ate. All we are doing is carrying around a bunch of programming that someone in our heritage line was created and no one has been the wiser. Break those beliefs RIGHT NOW! Stop using your past as a crutch. Love who the fuck you want to. Eat what you want and damn it buy the fucking dress. Life is passing all of us by. While we focus on whatever the fuck we are told to focus on. By your leaders, parents or even friends. Think outside the box. Think for yourself. Let go of the past. The hate. The anger. The resentment. Breathe. Look around you right now? Where are you and what are you doing? Who is around you or in the other room? WHy are you spending so much time staring at the phone / screen / pc? Is your life perfect? Is your job the one you had hoped for? The kids - how are they? All your bill's paid and food in the fridge? If you answered YES to every single one - then you my friend ARE A GOD DAMN' LIAR! None of us are perfect and we all have our flaws. Stop putting your nose where it does not belong and focus on your own house and your own SHIT!!! |
Pssstt...I just want to personally thank you for finding me and my insanity! This is where I feel at home - the sounding board of my thoughts echoes. When the body is tired & the mind won't SHUT THE FUCK UP! Archives
September 2021
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